Cut Out All the Ropes and Let Me Fall 1/4

Date: 2015-05-11 05:46 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I hope this is at least sort of what you were looking for? Eventual Tyler/Jamie, the second part features a lot of Patrick Kane and some mild (mostly implied) Kane/Toews.

Sometimes Tyler's entire life feels like he stepped out onto a rink with no gear and no time to center himself before the ground turned slick and smooth. Like the split second of desperate over correction before a fall. Like maybe if he keeps spinning his arms and moving his feet just a little bit faster than necessary, his balance will return and the ice won't come rising up to meet him, unforgivably hard, and shockingly cold.

(and everyone will know. Everyone will see him laid flat and they will know he wasn't ready)

Of course, the one place he doesn't feel like that is on the actual ice. Skating is good, skating is easy in a way nothing else around him seems to be, even if the team doesn't always seem willing to give him the kind of chances he knows he deserves. He has to earn it, he knows, and he will, he can. It's off the ice that he has a problem.

Eighteen is too young to live alone, in a new city, when he's never been on his own before. His mom worries though, so he pushes down his own concerns and puts on a confident act for her sake. And then he tries to avoid being alone as much as possible, filling up his hours with as many willing companions as he can find. He knows it's not his best idea, but he hates being alone more than he worries about his image.

(this is a mistake, and later he will never be entirely sure that he didn't know it at the time)

But most of the time things are really fucking good. Especially that first year, that first summer after they win The Cup. He barely notices the way he feels off a step from where he should be, not when Boston is lit up all around him and no one gives a fuck that he's too young to be so publicly shit-faced.

Later though, the feeling comes back. When he's been reprimanded for his antics by the front office again, when he ignores them and goes out again, when he's crashing yet another college party just to spend some time with people his own age again. When he's licking the taste of cheap liquor out of the mouth of another frat boy and wondering if this is the one who will sell him out, finally.

His life is both everything and nothing he ever wanted, and sometimes when his hookup of the moment licks a stripe across his Stanley Cup tattoo (and they always do it, boy or girl, hockey fan or not, they always want to put their tongues right on the mark that declares a Tyler to be A Winner) he can't help but think that it should feel different than it does, that the payoff for every bit of childhood he gave up shouldn't feel so...hollow.

(and then he feels guilty as hell,thinks about everything his parents gave up for him, thinks about Brownie waiting for a call up that will probably never come, thinks about Taylor Hall and all his talent listing away in Edmonton)

He drinks more. He parties more. He hooks up more. He gets in the media spotlight more. He doesn't play much more, doesn't get the minutes on the ice that he wants, needs, to leave an impression.

And then the lockout, and no one is playing at all, not in North America, so Tyler goes to Europe.
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